Day 3, evening

This day sucks. Actually, for the most part it was easier than the other two days, I will admit. But I am still having ridiculous cravings. Plus, it seems that I start to get really, really, really hungry around 4 or 5 o'clock.

The salt water definitely went straight through me, as it is supposed to. However, that was pretty much all that came out, which was disappointing. I have yet to find anything surprising in my toilet bowl! Unfair, because Matt said his last poo was incredibly dark and stringy and absolutely repulsive! Lucky!

Also, his intestines have been rumbling away all day. He says he can really feel his body moving things around and clearing things up. Not me. I feel like a collection of empty tubes and one very empty stomach. 

Also, still haven't lost any weight at all. As far as I can tell, neither has Matt, and I have yet to see Nathan. Some people say that happens, and then it all drops off suddenly. I don't have much to lose. More than ten pounds would put me close to being underweight, so I'm not really asking for much. Mostly, I just want to see something happening instead of just feeling miserable!

I've been hearing some new perspectives on when it gets easier. Day 4. That's tomorrow, so we'll see... So far, I have just been hungry, pooped a bit, felt like a champ briefly after doing the salt water, and really wanted to quit the rest of the time.

Day 3!

So, Day 2 ended better. I made myself another 2 liters of lemonade, fully intending to drink the entire thing in one sitting, but after about 1/2 a liter I was done for the day. We also went to see Pixar's UP in 3D. It was pretty great. Oh, and I also pooped a bunch. All in all, a good day. Who would have ever thought that would be my criteria?

Now it is Day 3. I have yet to make or drink any lemonade, despite it being noon, but I have had one "elimination" inspired by the Tea (bright red, from the cayenne?), and I did another salt water flush! This one was way less horrible than the first, perhaps because I took someone's recommendation and did it through a straw. I also discovered that biting a slice of lemon after every break from drinking the salt water helps with the gagging and almost makes you feel like you're doing tequila shots.

Now sitting around waiting to see what happens...

day 2, another thing!

Here is another thing for me to complain about: I haven't lost a pound! Not one! In fact, I may have even gained 1 or 2. What the hell???

Day 1 & 2, and why

So, I have pretty much spent the last 5 days doing nothing but reading other people's master cleanse journals. 

I am now in my second day of the cleanse, and at this exact moment I feel that nothing other than complaining online will keep me from giving up and shoving my face into the first thing the fridge offers me.

Hence, the blog. 

Day 0

I prepared for my cleanse the day before by eating an apple and drinking a lot of juice. I also snuck some celeri remoulade that I made the day before, and a slice of bread. Surprisingly, this was the easiest day of all. And I was expecting the worst...

Day 1

This day sucked. So hard. I am doing this cleanse with my fiance, Matt, and our best friend, Nathan. We made our lemonade, which I was surprised to really like. I was pretty gung ho about the whole thing, until four hours went by. I made the mistake of going out apartment hunting sans my lemonade, and I was STARVING by the time Matt and I came home. Starving, with a headache, and grumpy. It didn't help that all the apartments were depressingly awful.

I drank two glasses of lemonade, then headed to work. Did I mention that I work at one of the top five restaurants in Philadelphia? Awesome. I managed to resist staff meal, roast beef sandwiches with salad, and then moved into service. By the time my first table sat, I was dying. Somehow in the past two years it has slipped my notice that I don't just serve people food for a living. I emotionally fulfill them with plate after plate of pure indulgence and enjoyment. And, if they express any sort of displeasure, I am to send out a bunch more, free of charge. It's sort of sick.

So, as I spent the next five hours supervising moans of pleasure and pleas of "I couldn't eat another bite!" I also got light-headed and shaky. I drank lemonade whenever I felt hungry, which helped, but only for a brief moment. Meanwhile, my coworkers -- especially the chefs -- were not supportive of my fast. To them, ten days without food is like ten days without air. I am starting to agree...

Finally, my last table finished their fourth course and their bottle of wine, and it was over. Matt picked me up and promised me some Senna Leaf tea -- oh joy! Once home, I got real motivated and decided to do the Salt Water Flush, something I had planned to save for later in the week. NOT FUN. I gagged my way halfway through a liter of salt water, almost threw up twice, then poured the rest down the drain. All while my roommate watched, giggled, and informed me that her aunt pooped out an 18-inch worm when she did the cleanse. All of this, only to experience ... nothing! No poop, no rumblings, nothing. Awesome, I am so glad I drastically increased my sodium intake for the year. 

I drank some tea as well. Then, bed, still with a headache.

Day 2

I woke up at noon, clocking in a good 13 hours of sleep and feeling awesome. I wasn't hungry, the headache was gone, the sun was shining, yes! I had a cup of the tea, made my lemonade, drank a huge glass, and put on a movie. Second glass, third glass. Things were going great until about 3 o'clock, at which point I was ravenously hungry again. Yes, I do know the difference between hunger and cravings, and this is hunger. I want to lick the rim of my bottle of Trader Joe's maple syrup! Yesterday, I walked into a smelly, farty bathroom and got hungry because there was a faint whiff of tuna! I even added more syrup today, to try to prevent this sort of thing!

Now, I have maybe a glass and a half left, and it is only 6 o'clock. What am I going to do? I had decided to be cheap and not buy the Stanley Burroughs book, which means I have compiled all my information about what do to from various web sites. It seems like some people say I should ration myself to 2 liters of lemonade a day, but others say I can go up to 100 or more ounces. I will probably just make myself another liter. It's that, or quit.

At least I don't have a headache today.

Another complaint: Nate and Matt have both been pooping, and I have not, other than my regular, once-a-day firm ones. Like them, I had the tea twice the first day, and once today, plus once on my prep day. Unlike them, I suffered through the salt water flush. Nothing for my pains! Maybe I am being impatient, but I would like to see some results here!

One of the bartenders that I work with told me that the first two days are hell and that the third day everything shifts into focus. You feel great, and it all makes sense. Some blogs I've read even say that you start to feel sort of self-righteous compared to your food-eating counterparts. I hope so, because on days four and five I have to work doubles, which means 12+ hours of handing delicious food over to other people! If I am still shaky and hungry by then, it's over!